Focus on living ‘IN’ the moment

My niece and I went to get our first tattoos together--something we've planned for awhile! Sapphire represents Ryder's birthstone color, the dragonfly (if you've followed www.rydersjourney2009.blogspot.com you'll understand) and of course the halo for my very LOVED Angel ;)

Symbolism's of the Dragonfly

• Maturity and a Depth of character
  The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.
  
  The traditional association of Dragonflies with water also gives rise to this meaning to this amazing insect. The Dragonfly’s scurrying flight across water represents an act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looking into the deeper implications and aspects of life.

• Power and Poise
  The dragonfly’s agile flight and its ability to move in all six directions exude a sense of power and poise - something that comes only with age and maturity.
  The dragonfly can move at an amazing 45 miles an hour, hover like a helicopter fly backwards like a hummingbird, fly straight up, down and on either side. What is mind blowing is the fact that it can do this while flapping its wings a mere 30 times a minute while mosquitoes and houseflies need to flap their wings 600 and 1000 times a minute respectively.
  
  The awe inspiring aspect is how the dragonfly accomplishes its objectives with utmost simplicity, effectiveness and well, if you look at proportions, with 20 times as much power in each of its wing strokes when compared to the other insects. The best part is that the dragonfly does it with elegance and grace that can be compared to a veteran ballet dancer. If this is not a brazen, lazy, overkill in terms of display of raw power, what is?

• Defeat of Self Created Illusions
  The dragonfly exhibits iridescence both on its wings as well as on its body. Iridescence is the property of an object to show itself in different colors depending on the angle and polarization of light falling on it.
  
  This property is seen and believed as the end of one’s self created illusions and a clear vision into the realities of life. The magical property of iridescence is also associated with the discovery of one’s own abilities by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts one casts on his/her own sense of identity. This again indirectly means self discovery and removal of inhibitions.

• Focus on living ‘IN’ the moment
  The dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life and usually not more than a few months. This adult dragonfly does it all in these few months and leaves nothing to be desired. This style of life symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living IN the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.
  
  This ability lets you live your life without regrets like the great dragonfly.

• The opening of one’s eyes
  The eyes of the dragonfly are one of the most amazing and awe inspiring sights. Given almost 80% of the insect’s brain power is dedicated to its sight and the fact that it can see in all 360 degrees around it, it symbolizes the uninhibited vision of the mind and the ability to see beyond the limitations of the human self. It also in a manner of speaking symbolizes a man/woman’s rising from materialism to be able to see beyond the mundane into the vastness that is really our Universe, and our own minds
  
  
  
   Kayla got the saying "Go Carefully" in her mother's handwriting with a Harry Potter lightning bolt!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Happy Days along with the crazy!!!!

It's been awhile......
As usual life is fast paced for us :) We are having many more happy days than sad days around here which is nice to report. Let's see, since my last blog I have written a children's book which is being illustrated and made into a DVD at Evit, I have started a novel (stay tuned next year!), I had a lovely visit from a very dear high school friend- Kate and her kiddos, as well as several fun get togethers with Suzanne (bestest elementary/high school buddy!), we have been packing up getting ready for our big move, I checked myself into the hospital, we got our keys to the new house in Parks, Les' Granny passed away (we spent a lot of quality time with her), My sissy-in-law Amber and my insanely cute 4 mo. old nephew  Gunnar (who told me I was his very favorite Auntie in the whole world always and forever)came to visit, we are having some health issues with our middle son and have gotten both boys tested for the POLG mutations that Ryder had, I am on the job hunt, I went on a retreat with 50+ women that have lost a child, I survived my 1st Mother's Day without Ryder, we started Light Horse Bicycle Company (www.lighthorsebicycles.com) and MADE OUR FIRST RENTAL SALE --YAY!! I don't want to go on and on about everything happening so I'll break down the interesting stuff for you. Feel free to ask me anything else you'd like to know :)

1. Yep--checked into an inpatient hospital. Packing Ryder's things, being alone & isolating myself the majority of the time, not sleeping and not taking my "happy" pills regularly (no offense to anyone on anti-depressants--just my sense of humor) really took a toll on me. I KNEW I needed help. I started wanting to sleep all the time and not functioning for my sweet boys. I met some amazing new friends, cried, poured out my heart and feel much better after the short break from life. I also learned how to make meth, clean drugs (like heroin) and a lot of new lingo!! (Again--my sense of humor!) Really though, I enjoyed learning about everyones stories and have much RESPECT for those seeking help--it's not easy!
2. The new place in Parks (between Flagstaff and Williams, AZ) is AMAZING, peaceful, beautiful and abundant with nature. We will be living on 10 acres of God's most beautiful land in Arizona :) We welcome visitors!!!
3. I'm worried about Noah, our 7 year old. After some behaviors we noticed the counselor suggested we take him to a GI doctor. I wasn't sure if it was related to post traumatic stress from losing his brother or a health issue. I have had a deep rooted feeling that something is not okay with Noah for 2 years. I've brought it up to all doctors, but it was always blown off. Ryder's health was their main focus and I feel like they thought I was projecting my worries onto Noah. This uneasy feeling is still very alive. To the point--we found out Noah is severely constipated and his clean out attempt with 2 pills of Doculax, exlax and 14(!!!!) caps of Mirilax did not work. He had blood work done which ruled out Celiac's Disease. It did show elevated TSH, but normal T4 (concerning thyroid issues--but the normal T4 makes it less worrisome). He will be closely monitored this month and retested next month. He is having a MRI of his spine (which he needs anesthesia for) next Thursday to hopefully rule out a tethered spine. MY MAMA instincts decided to skip much of the BS and ask our FAVORITE doctor in the world to order a cortisol and ACTH plasma test as well. With Noah's darker skin (with no tan lines), GI and urinary issues, and seemingly wacky body temp control (cold wearing sweaters when it is HOT and wanting to wear shorts and tank tops when it is COLD!) I worry about Addison's --adrenal insufficiency. I'm not sure if the elevate TSH plays a part or is just a coincidence or false report.  Both Tyler and Noah have gotten blood drawn to test if they are carriers of the POLG mutations Les and I have which resulted in Alper's for Ryder. I had to stop researching my nursing books and the Internet tonight for other disorders a POLG mutation could cause--maybe for Noah. CAN'T go there :( As you can imagine, I am PRAYING, crossing my fingers and toes that I am overreacting and Noah is just fine. Time will tell....
4. I am on a job hunt!! I've had several interviews, got the position, but turned them down. Some were super awesome, but didn't have benefits or pay well. I have several other options, but I am most excited about an opportunity to work for Raising Special Kids as a family support coordinator!!!! This would be my dream job right now :) Again....time will tell.
5. Mother's Day was tough, I MISS my Bubba, but I did catch a fish, saw so many dragonflies and frogs and spent quality time with Noah at the new house. Tyler decided to stay with Grandma because of the long drive and the fact he'll be up there soon enough for good.---REALLY I believe it was to be spoiled, eat junk food and have all of Grandmas attention!
6. Light Horse Bicycle Co is really happening! It's ON peeps :) Check out our website, stay tuned for my first blog about getting fit and health, losing weight and this clumsy woman learning to mountain bike!!! I've already lost 9 lbs thank you very much!!! It may or may not have been partially from getting lost in the desert for hours on my first ride ;) Also check out The Nordic Center for beautiful trails, camping sites and a place to rent our AWESOME bicycles :)

Well, I think that wraps up the last few months! Please leave a comment, join the sight and continue to follow our trails and trials of life!!!


Here are some pictures around our new property!!!

 unedited beauty!!!

 Baby Gunnar--how cute is he?????