Was I feeling strong enough to fulfill a purpose here? Did I want to spread the word? To bring your sons and daughters near and guide them to your arms?
Did I ask to bare the cross and open up other’s eyes? To show them how to carry on with you always by my side?
If I was that eager angel Lord that came here to fulfill this job, I’m not feeling strong anymore, even with your powerful love.
I wish to resign my Lord and have my baby back. I promise to fulfill this plan another way. It’s too much for my heart.
I can’t stop remembering or stopping the tears that flow. I can’t focus only on the good that my baby taught us so.
I felt his pain and wiped his tears, so many that did flow. I cradled him and held him close trying to protect him from the unknown.
He’s gone now Lord, back in Heaven with you, where I dearly long to be. I need him in my arms once more to mend my broken heart and think again clearly.
I feel you all along the way Lord. I pray each day for you to hold me and my family in your embrace. But as much as I love you Lord and want to do your will, I think I took too much on as that eager angel.
Can I please resign?
Heartbreaking Denise. Sending hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Mullen-- thank you! It is so funny seeing your name. My maiden name is Mullen and my sister's name is Jennifer so I never know if it's from my sissy or you-lol!!
DeleteDenise, you are an angel to all of us moms who are walking behind you on this journey. You have guided me through so much whether or not you know it. My heart breaks for the pain you are enduring as well as the pain that we will all endure when my angel joins yours. I promise him everyday that he will have two playmates in heaven: Tadan and Ryder. I hope they are waiting. I hope I can survive. <3
ReplyDeleteCan I resign too please?
ReplyDeleteYou and your family continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Jacob came out after going into bed tonight and said that he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about Ryder. We think of him, and pray for your family every day. I just wish there was something more we could do. I'm sorry for your pain! Ryder finished out his mission strong and so are you. Love you.
ReplyDeleteFor all of us on this journey, we are so honored to read your words and so saddened by your pain. Thank you for sharing your family with us. We are one family now. A family who lives through the most horrible times in anyone's life: Watching a dear, sweet child suffer and eventually be at peace. Your sweet, angel is waiting with open arms and he is smiling because all your love keeps him close at all times. Know that we are here with you and yet we cannot take away your pain. Sending my love and wishes for peace for you and yours. Warmly, Bonnie
ReplyDelete